The Day God Threw Me Out of the Church

​By: Nancy Cangi, Treasurer at Her Life Speaks

It was October 19, 2014 and I sat in church, eyes closed and quietly praying feeling very alone and depressed. Around me I heard joy and laughter. It was then I knew why I did not like coming to this church. I was not happy and felt out of place surrounded by laughter. Then services began and the pastor said: “Is everybody happy?". Most of the congregation shouted out "YES!". He then said: "Good, because if you aren't then you are in the wrong place!". WOW. I was stunned. I ran out of church - and got in my car shaking & crying wondering... WHAT? JUST? HAPPENED? Everything I believed about God was turned upside down and inside out. I had never been so angry at God – EVER!

The next week was one of the worst weeks of my life. I knew if I did not find a new church to go to and FAST, then I would never return. I searched online and the following Sunday I visited my local church. The message was entitled – “Dealing with Life's Groanings!”. I had groaned more that last week than I can ever remember. All the grief, anger, fear, anxiety and frustration in my life wanted to come out. I suppose that was His plan. Just a
week earlier, I was an outcast because of my suffering and now I knew I had found my home. God had delivered me out of oppression and led me to His grace.

Ephesians 2:8 (NIV) “for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God”

Fast forward 6 years, I am now well into my 50’s and never married. I feel like I have always been searching for my true love, my soul mate. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. There is a terrible loneliness that comes with living alone. A friend would always say to me, “you may be lonely, but you are never alone.”. I hated that expression; it was an oxymoron to me. I was searching for a man to love me, despite all my brokenness, for a man to want to be with me when I did not want to be with myself. I wanted a man to just love
me because I did not know how to love myself. I finally found that man, and His name is Jesus.

Song of Songs 2:16a (NIV) “My beloved is mine and I am his”

What I have learned is that all my life I was hearing Jesus say, “Follow Me and I’ll love you”, but now I hear “I love you, follow Me!” It is hard to believe that God knows everything I have done and still accepts me, but He does. He sent His Son to be crucified for MY sins, that is how much He loves me despite everything I have done, or not done. That is His magnificent gift of grace.

I now know what it means to be lonely but never alone. Jesus is always with me. He lives IN me. Thank you, Jesus, the emptiness in my heart is finally filled.

Romans 8:38-39 (NIV) “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

During that awful week in October 2014 I questioned God, where was He? Why do you allow me to suffer so much? Now when I look back, He was there all along, He did not cause my suffering, but He did use it to draw me closer to Him.

Romans 5:3-5 (NIV) “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

Psalm 107:1 (NIV) “Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.”
Have you ever questioned God’s plans for you? How do you fill the loneliness in your heart?

Have you ever questioned God’s plans for you? How do you fill the loneliness in your heart?

Please share how God has showed up for you.

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