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The Day God Threw Me Out of the Church

11/5/2020

12 Comments

 
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​By: Nancy Cangi, Treasurer at Her Life Speaks

It was October 19, 2014 and I sat in church, eyes closed and quietly praying feeling very alone and depressed. Around me I heard joy and laughter. It was then I knew why I did not like coming to this church. I was not happy and felt out of place surrounded by laughter. Then services began and the pastor said: “Is everybody happy?". Most of the congregation shouted out "YES!". He then said: "Good, because if you aren't then you are in the wrong place!". WOW. I was stunned. I ran out of church - and got in my car shaking & crying wondering... WHAT? JUST? HAPPENED? Everything I believed about God was turned upside down and inside out. I had never been so angry at God – EVER!

The next week was one of the worst weeks of my life. I knew if I did not find a new church to go to and FAST, then I would never return. I searched online and the following Sunday I visited my local church. The message was entitled – “Dealing with Life's Groanings!”. I had groaned more that last week than I can ever remember. All the grief, anger, fear, anxiety and frustration in my life wanted to come out. I suppose that was His plan. Just a
week earlier, I was an outcast because of my suffering and now I knew I had found my home. God had delivered me out of oppression and led me to His grace.

Ephesians 2:8 (NIV) “for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God”

Fast forward 6 years, I am now well into my 50’s and never married. I feel like I have always been searching for my true love, my soul mate. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. There is a terrible loneliness that comes with living alone. A friend would always say to me, “you may be lonely, but you are never alone.”. I hated that expression; it was an oxymoron to me. I was searching for a man to love me, despite all my brokenness, for a man to want to be with me when I did not want to be with myself. I wanted a man to just love
me because I did not know how to love myself. I finally found that man, and His name is Jesus.

Song of Songs 2:16a (NIV) “My beloved is mine and I am his”

What I have learned is that all my life I was hearing Jesus say, “Follow Me and I’ll love you”, but now I hear “I love you, follow Me!” It is hard to believe that God knows everything I have done and still accepts me, but He does. He sent His Son to be crucified for MY sins, that is how much He loves me despite everything I have done, or not done. That is His magnificent gift of grace.

I now know what it means to be lonely but never alone. Jesus is always with me. He lives IN me. Thank you, Jesus, the emptiness in my heart is finally filled.

Romans 8:38-39 (NIV) “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

During that awful week in October 2014 I questioned God, where was He? Why do you allow me to suffer so much? Now when I look back, He was there all along, He did not cause my suffering, but He did use it to draw me closer to Him.

Romans 5:3-5 (NIV) “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

Psalm 107:1 (NIV) “Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.”
Have you ever questioned God’s plans for you? How do you fill the loneliness in your heart?


Have you ever questioned God’s plans for you? How do you fill the loneliness in your heart?

Please share how God has showed up for you.

12 Comments
Dee
11/10/2020 02:35:13 pm

Nancy, how true your testimony is! We know that without Jesus, even in a roomful of people we can still feel lonely. He’s our living water; He fills us up! His promises are His love letter to us. He never changes like friends and even family who can let us down. He is constant! Thank you for reminding me that He is our everything!
Dee

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Nance
11/11/2020 08:55:40 am

Thank you Dee for your comment, yes, His promises are His love letter to us - love that!
Nance

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Mary link
11/10/2020 03:49:48 pm

Thank you, Nance for saying what has always been very hard for me to say! Most of my life I have felt like you. Without Jesus there is an emptiness that is so painful and seems to be endless. I searched for someone or something to fill up that deep ache I could feel the moment I began to wake. Yes even before my eyes were open. Eight years ago a sweet
Friend invited me to a bible study and I found exactly what I yearned for, Jesus! The words of God healed every part of me and is growing my faith and trust in a savior that is always with me strengthening me and filling me up with hope and love. I am so grateful for I will never be the same. So glad we are sisters in Jesus😊Thank you,!

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Nance
11/11/2020 08:59:02 am

Thank you Mary, I am blessed that Jesus brought us together. I love how He uses us to be His hands and feet for each other! So glad we are sisters in Jesus too......

Nance

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June Collignon
11/11/2020 09:21:45 am

Dear Nance, what a journey and your story is one that I know many can relate to. Thank you for sharing it. This past Father's Day was unusual for me, the first time without my father, he passed away 6 months earlier. I did however recognize that I may not have my earthy father but my heavenly father was very present. The Lord has certainly blessed your journey, think of all the amazing things still to come. June

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Nance
11/11/2020 09:33:21 am

Thank you June,
I understand, my father went to heaven 15 years ago and there is not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I continue to Thank God for using my earthly father to get to know Him better. Jesus has given me a comfort and peace beyond anything I could ever imagine! God Bless you sister,
Nance

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April Sliwak
11/11/2020 11:21:57 am

Dear Nance, Thank you for sharing your story. It has blessed me. Suffering isn't easy but it's necessary to be refined by the Lord and so He can be glorified later on, like you're doing now. Writing about your suffering helps me to talk about mine. Someone yesterday gave me the same verse you quoted in Romans 5: "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope doesn't shame... " I see all these things in your story. I'm persevering and know I'm headed towards hope. Love you. xx

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Nance
11/11/2020 12:13:35 pm

HOPE is wonderful!
I thank God for how He brought us together, that is a story for another day!
Love you sister,
Nance

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Linda Nicastri
11/11/2020 11:40:35 am

I so remember you sharing that moment in time with me and your determination to be happy. Your faith has always been strong. Our Father wanted you to find refuge , joy and love so he lead you away from one church into the waiting arms of another. Your brave soul reached out and found a good church home for you. You believe whole heartedly in Him....and He believes whole heartedly in you. Love your writing Nancy....just one of many blessings God has bestowed upon you. Keep on sharing. Please.....

Reply
Nance
11/11/2020 11:44:00 am

Thank you my dear soul sister!
From the moment we met our hearts merged, I do love how Jesus has worked on us!
Love you always,
Nance

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Pat Corcoran
11/11/2020 04:57:29 pm

Dear Nancy-

I have heard your story before and it inspires every time. I treasure your friendship and sisterhood. We've been through alot of the same struggles, especially most recently. I look forward to celebrating with you what God is doing, has done and will be doing in both of our lives going forward. It's all about Him. He is the only one that fills that God-sized hole in the soul we try and fill with other things until we find Him. Oh the blessings and joy-the freedom we gain when we make it about Him and not ourselves. Some of the greatest of these are the friends who are our sisters in Christ we meet along the way. Love you dear sister! God bless you-always.

Pat

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nance
11/12/2020 11:48:24 am

Pat,
Thank you sister. I do treasure our sisterhood. God certainly shined upon us both. How he took our pain and turned it into blessings, WOW! I am so blessed to be taking this journey with you. I do love how much we help each other along the way. Love you too....
Nance

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