What Kind of Friend Are You?
Written by Dani M.
Everyone has the desire to be loved and wanted by others. We often think the more friends the better, the more people that like us the happier we will be. In middle school I looked for approval in my classmates, rather than the one whose opinion is most important- God.
Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm (Proverbs 13:20)
Picking the right friends with good morals was a struggle for me in middle school. Instead of looking for friends with Godly attributes I desired to be liked and looked up to by my peers. I craved acceptance from the other girls at the lunch table. Early October one year, I vividly remember sitting at the long table in the cafeteria when I started to hear conversation about Halloween. It was common for each lunch table to do a group costume and attend the same party. When I noticed that most of the girls in the group were being secretive, I immediately felt a pit in my stomach. Shortly after, I had heard from a few of the girls that a separate group chat was created without me in it to discuss the costume. I went up to my room that day after school and cried for hours. I felt unworthy, unwanted and unimportant. I confronted my close friends in the group and asked why they did not want me to be a part of the costume? They confided in me and had told me that the ringleader of the group had not wanted me to be apart and influenced the other girls to exclude me.
A few days passed and it wasn’t long before my mother asked me what was wrong. I told her the story and she asked me the question, “What does the Bible say about friendships?” At the time I didn’t think the Bible could solve my friend drama or make me feel any better. Well, was I wrong! Here’s what I learned.
Jesus longs for a personal friendship with each one of us. He wants to be the one we love to spend time with, the one to whom we pour out our heart, the one we high five when we do well on a test! He’s our best friend, wise, patient and the definition of love (John 15:13). When we get to know Jesus we learn our true value and purpose. God created us to be in fellowship with Him and this is the example we are to recreate with the friends we choose in life. I learned to be more selective and find friends who had godly wisdom (Proverbs 13:20) to share and were reliable (Proverbs 18:20).
God gives many examples of powerful and strong friendships in the Bible: David and Jonathan, Naomi and Ruth, Christ and Mankind. It is important to examine your own friend group and ask, is this a clique or a friendship circle? Am I doing anything to make someone feel unwanted? Am I surrounding myself with people who make me feel good for who I am? Good friendships take time to develop but are a gift from God. What kind of friend are you?
7/22/2020 11:40:14 am
Hey Dani! What a story. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your experience. Friendship is super important no matter what age. I still crave intimacy with my friends. But even during the Q, its good to remember that Jesus is my friend and He's always with me! xx
8/5/2020 06:48:16 pm
Yes, Jesus is the one friend you can ALWAYS count on!
7/22/2020 11:53:44 am
Amen sister. Great wisdom! I often forget that everything we will encounter in this life, Jesus has already encountered... and defeated.
8/5/2020 06:52:15 pm
It is always important to remember that Jesus has encountered struggles we face in friendships today. We are not alone!
7/22/2020 02:32:39 pm
Wow, so true! I think all of us can relate to your story and feeling unlovable at times and it's not always easy to turn our eyes to the Lord and see and accept HIS unconditional love, acceptance and companionship, when we feel so hurt by someone... but what a great reminder!
8/5/2020 06:59:44 pm
Very true. As a middle schooler it was hard for me to immediately accept the idea that Jesus was always my friend and the only one you can count on to never let you down! Keeping this in mind through my high school years, I have more comfort when I face struggles in my relationships.
7/31/2020 03:11:31 pm
Middle school is a tough time. I certainly still carry memories. Thank you for sharing such an important message. Jesus is our best friend and He is always available and happy to give us a high five.
8/5/2020 07:02:02 pm
Middle school was definitely a time of tremendous growth and learning. Thank you!
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Her Life Speaks is all about Her testimony, Her life, and who God is in Her story. Here we write our stories in hopes of helping other women find their relationship with Jesus Christ.