What Kind of Friend Are You?

Written by Dani M.
Teen Ambassador 

Everyone has the desire to be loved and wanted by others. We often think the more friends the better, the more people that like us the happier we will be. In middle school I looked for approval in my classmates, rather than the one whose opinion is most important- God. 

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm (Proverbs 13:20)

Picking the right friends with good morals was a struggle for me in middle school. Instead of looking for friends with Godly attributes I desired to be liked and looked up to by my peers. I craved acceptance from the other girls at the lunch table. Early October one year, I vividly remember sitting at the long table in the cafeteria when I started to hear conversation about Halloween. It was common for each lunch table to do a group costume and attend the same party. When I noticed that most of the girls in the group were being secretive, I immediately felt a pit in my stomach. Shortly after, I had heard from a few of the girls that a separate group chat was created without me in it to discuss the costume. I went up to my room that day after school and cried for hours. I felt unworthy, unwanted and unimportant. I confronted my close friends in the group and asked why they did not want me to be a part of the costume? They confided in me and had told me that the ringleader of the group had not wanted me to be apart and influenced the other girls to exclude me. 

A few days passed and it wasn’t long before my mother asked me what was wrong.  I told her the story and she asked me the question, “What does the Bible say about friendships?” At the time I didn’t think the Bible could solve my friend drama or make me feel any better. Well, was I wrong!  Here’s what I learned.  

Jesus longs for a personal friendship with each one of us.  He wants to be the one we love to spend time with, the one to whom we pour out our heart, the one we high five when we do well on a test! He’s our best friend, wise, patient and the definition of love (John 15:13).  When we get to know Jesus we learn our true value and purpose.  God created us to be in fellowship with Him and this is the example we are to recreate with the friends we choose in life. I learned to be more selective and find friends who had godly wisdom (Proverbs 13:20) to share and were reliable (Proverbs 18:20).  

God gives many examples of powerful and strong friendships in the Bible: David and Jonathan, Naomi and Ruth, Christ and Mankind. It is important to examine your own friend group and ask, is this a clique or a friendship circle? Am I doing anything to make someone feel unwanted? Am I surrounding myself with people who make me feel good for who I am? Good friendships take time to develop but are a gift from God. What kind of friend are you?

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